Self-defeat
Out of all the sports I participated in back in high school, track was thee most challenging. I waited until my senior year to try out for the team. By the time I got there, most of my peers were competing for a spot in the Junior Olympics, or at minimum for a college scholarship. I just wanted to be able to say “I ran track in high school too!” I assumed that since I was good in gym class, and pretty much out did most if not all of my class mates over the years, there was no sport that I couldn’t excel at.
Well I was in for a very rude awakening starting with my first track meet. Fast forward past a few weeks of practice, where I was being hyped up for my flexibility due to three years of passionate cheerleading, we arrive at the point where I realized I had the game fucked up.
I never considered myself to be physically lazy and I’ve always lived at least a semi active lifestyle. But looking back in retrospect, somewhere down the line I became mentally lazy and that first track meet was the snitch. See in track, you may be running against several other kids for the finish line, but the real opponent is you.
Back on the track, one of my teammates, who is a good friend of mine today, gave me one final tip before my first event, I don’t remember what it was because it didn’t work for me anyway. But I appreciated her for wanting me to win. I get in my blocks, then wait for the gun shot, queuing us to run our asses off and then “BANG”, GO-TIME! I give it all I got, then about halfway through I start getting winded and begin to run out of breath. My side starts hurting, my mouth is dry, I’m done. Just over half-way through the 400m dash, I quit. Holding my side, I walk towards the finish line feeling very defeated. I hated losing but I didn’t hate it enough to really do what it took to step my track game up. Although I felt very embarrassed walking in at last place, I didn’t care. I was so focused on how I felt physically, that I didn’t even think to tap into one ounce of my mental power to help push me past my perceived handicap, which was nothing more than just being out of shape for the sport. Something that was my responsibility and in my control to improve.
Unlike volleyball and cheerleading where there were two game days and three days of practice each week, track practice was seven days a week and you were expected to show up even if school was out for a holiday or seasonal break. Me being in a state of senioritis I missed quite a few practices, and it showed in my performance. I made this observation; when I practice everyday, I at least place somewhere between fifth and eighth. Once I implemented this concept, walking to the finish line eventually sped up to a light jog. Until I missed another practice. Then it was like having to start all over again. You literally have to run everyday!
Closer to the end of the season, I began to show some major improvement, I went to those Saturday and Sunday practices, and by the end of the season, I was finding myself consistently placing between third and fifth. I can’t say that it got easier, that mental laziness followed me well into my adult years and I’m just now fully dealing with it.
The majority of my failures have been simply due to me giving up mentally and there are so many layers that I need to peel back before I’m “there”. Actually doing the self-work opposed to just reading about it and watching YouTube self-help videos is HARD! But if you ask me, living life half-assed is just as fucked up if not worse. The reason I even made the commitment to change was because I was tired of being miserable and I simply refuse to give up another thirty-plus years to living by default.
I remember hearing someone say, “If you aren’t working towards your goal, you’re working against it.” That quote has stuck with me for years. I’m either getting in alignment with what I want, or watching the opportunity pass me by for someone who’s willing to prove they want it more. The hard truth that I straight ignored in the beginning was this, those days I chose to skip track practice, I chose to be last. Every day that I chose to not run, even for the sake of discipline, I chose to be out of shape for my event (referring to things like lung capacity & reduced muscle fatigue).
Now, in my defense, that 400m dash ain’t no hoe, ask any runner and they’ll tell you that it’s basically a distance-sprint. But my point is, we all have the potential to maximize our personal effort. And I hate that I wasted most of the season giving minimal effort. I know that I could’ve been a star at any sport I tried out for, even where there was little evidence of natural talent because I know about the power of practice and discipline. But the hard truth is that I was mentally lazy. I could have been running by myself and still would’ve lost. Being mentally lazy has caused me to miss quite a few opportunities that would have propelled me in a better direction than the default path of just letting shit happen. My lesson from this; half-ass effort yields half-ass results. “O.k., I got it.”
This story may seem ‘light’ to you, but there’s a deeper reason as to why I chose to share this bit of my history with you first. I want to draw your attention to the seriousness of mental strength. I want you to understand that being mentally strong is a game changer.
The stories that you’ll read following this one will probably come off as a combination of a Tyler Perry and Curtis Jackson production. More Tyler Perry though (respectfully). I really want to help you not be like ‘the old me’. If someone learns from my mistakes, including myself for that matter, that’s a step in the right direction for the culture. I invite you to take a little time out to see how you can relate. Ask yourself how you could change for the better.
